And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i think i just naturally attract stoners
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
