All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the day after is always just damage control
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
