i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
