the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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