No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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