I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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