Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
