my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
