So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
