remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
