you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's get the cat blown out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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