well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
