1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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