Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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