he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
