Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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