Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
