Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
