I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
