Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
