He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
