So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
