Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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