A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
