Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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