hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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