Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
