i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
