If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
