Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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