why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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