therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
