Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
