Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I have post one night stand depression
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
