Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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