the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
