the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
