woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
