I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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