I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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