Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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