okay pat passed out under dana's car
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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