i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
