Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
