To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i think im in europe. pls send help
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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