I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
