Yo dont text me then not text me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
