I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
