found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
