So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
